| "an amalgamation" (a split with what life makes us and vestige of fruition) |
| music box |
| Don't want to talk about scars and scrapes from farce and staged pre-pubescent pecking kisses and holding of hands. Some say somehow something in the air must have made me start on a must rage, in which I stomp all around like the elephant on the Burmese crowd. But they got reason's too and if you listen hard you can hear them screaming through, 'I've been alone and I've been afraid and how dare you take my baby away.?' man say my fear of being laughed at led me to kill all the plants and the animals, my fear is of what I can't see smell or hear, I got the devil whispering in my ear. Some say the devil leaped up through their body's and laughed out loud like a hyena and threw their body's against the wall and through their body's played his will out like all they're worth bet on a limping horse. Well if sanity is not a race, it's the recognition of the bars of the cage that still surround you. It's leaving behind the hate that wasn't worth your time, it's the ambition of my best friend not feeling like a gun against my head, it's admitting I might be wrong till I know I'm right. Stay afloat with a lead life preserver. A beckoning weakness is more determined to be my company that the shadow at my feet. I am no longer making a purchase. I am sold to the product in full. |
| hologram's 180 degree graduation speech |
| Aligning with 6 degrees away Symmetrically flawless jaw-man Doesn't have to have things to say But it's alright cause I might be wrong Aligning with 90 degrees away Little middle American virgin May or may not know as well as Anyone can do what we do But aren't we all talking inside? Sometimes honestly I don't think so I'm just jealous of how they hide their changing faces All their skin sounds the same color to my eyes I can't tell if they're telling lies or saying behind my back 'Hologram thinks he's the only synesthesiac to lose faith in all his senses' All I really want Long lost friends put into print a false consciousness of each other Prodigal son called by his brother 'fucked up spineless addict' Well I've finally had it What? You think 4 years for you ain't 4 years for me? To be able to bullshit like the best of them would be a glorious thing Tell a big old lie and make the whole world stop and think Maybe this man holds the key to life on other planets Well, I'd like to think I'd keep it inside even if I had it But I don't, so I just wanna let this out so we can break it down tonight I can remember a few things that maybe still hurt me or maybe they don't maybe it's just time to scream I was approached by a fedora and trench coat projecting slides of photographs of my past present and future self wearing my victim's bloody coat, came off so heavy handed I just had to laugh I witnessed romance through itself off the thirtieth floor, get up, wipe himself off look me straight in the eye and say 'I'm so tired of watching your hearts open and close and open and close' I just had to laugh The man. across the banquet hall at the conversion camp for newly wed divorcees and their kids didn't know as didn't I he would say we were living a lie well he can bet I ain't lying when I tell him, 'this is your life not mine and if tomorrow comes I'm gonna live it right.' |
| "the second recording" (a two song recording) |
| number one |
| can i take my own advice and ride the waves real? can i practice what i preach and find the stength to feel it was wrong of me to speek my mind when you were still so inclined to bend my every word to what you wanted to hear. you twist can my insides day and nihgt but i still won't feel the way i did last year. words like, "your stare, your blue can catch me across a room, so sharp, it impales me through my heart, and pinching at every nerve, tonight you take complete control." |
| number two |
| i wish i could say your name in the context of a melody, but there'd be way too many people getting hurt, and that's not to say in any way i am the one keeping them afloat, but i'm sure you'd agree with me in saying what we have is worth lips shut. and i'm fine with in being in my mind, but id let you look inside and see what i see and you'd agree that it's fine that maybe i'm a little obsessive, pretending im catching you staring at me always staring at me, well, every few weeks when occasion allows friends of friends put the best make up around on-jokes followed by connecting eyes, all the little thing leave silence few and far between. i'd be so happy id be so glad if you never knew what this meant if you never understand me, by that i'd be an enigma scratching at your brain driving you insane everyday, but if i see you too much and make the mistake of making you laugh and having you drive me up the wall and charming me till i fall in love with you, i dont think i could take it, sometimes to me to win is to simply reel you in, i fish for compliments with an outline of the antithesis of who i want to be, no wait, ijust want to keep this train of thought cause i am not the matedor who can throw all i got into your blood red, all i got instead is a cloud of dust left by my dreams, like old saturday mornings, i see arms and legs flaling through a haze, crafting something great, at first battered and bruised, times like this it seems no use but to spend the whole with my best friends dont ask stupid questiong like, when does life begin? when does my life end? no when life begins, no matter when life ends, dont say goodbye. what's mine is yours what's yours is mine the more you ask the more you find out, wish you didnt know, now you're scared, you feel you have to go, you dont have to go........ in addition to everything i say, everything i think is so hackney and trite, but i'll say it anyway, cause i think it everyday. all alone i sing for you, i sit and play songs that will never be heard, at least i know at least i know they were there, now floating somewhere in the air, i sit and stare at the stars at the moment i can't see if there's one up there for you and me, at least i know at least know that the light will reach hear even if it takes a thousand years. and i hear your voice in the back, i hear you're lost in his eyes and i think you're thinking of leaving but i dont dare to ask what that means cause i dont care, i'm pretty sure that something strikes me as funny, lately you seem to be falling down and it has nothing to do with me now. knock at my door but im not here, im in the back making shadows come to life and all that's black and white disapear, she says it looks like i'm about to cry, i say that would make my day, cause it's been a couple years since i've been brought to tears for something other than a girl and i can't believe what's happening to my world, maybe someday ill be weathered and gray, maybe someday ill have something meaningful to say, you hear my voice in the back you hear my voice how you want to forgive me for hiding and being so vague and choosing my words in a particular way, so not to leave any definition. maybe it's me, maybe i feed off the friction of knowing i'm a mile a minute inside my mind but i save it all up sometimes to find the perfect context for the perfect three words that say it all, and maybe i'd love to be in your dreams and maybe i find beauty in things that aren't what they seem. tonight i'm letting go of everything and it's not that sad at all....i take my first look around (as I’m sitting here thinking trying to stare through the ceiling, i wish there was an alternate dimension-a vestige fruition where these circumstances weighed less than the fact that i'm not sure if i can make it without you) as i'm sitting here thinking trying to stare through the ceiling, imagining the stars of a far off place, if i could go to michigan tonight i would, it just goes to show that ........ in addition to everything i say, everything i think is so hackney and trite, but i'll say it anyway, cause i think it everyday |